Quarrel – Five Steps To Get The Upper Hand

An argument is a type of conversation in which there is a misunderstanding, a difference of opinion, and a clear need to gain an edge by our arguments over what the other person is expressing.

The truth is, most of us have never been taught what to do when an argument breaks out . We often do not know what and how to say and what behavior can lead to a healthy end to a discussion culminating in consent and agreement. It turns out, however, that there are a whole series of key factors that can help us.

First of all, we need to understand that the worst enemy of understanding when an argument breaks out is negative emotions. A misunderstanding between partners, a discussion with a colleague or with the boss – all this causes us a feeling of embarrassment and severe discomfort. There is anger, frustration and even rage.

If we learn to control our emotions, we will be able to achieve mental peace, thanks to which it will be easier for us to talk and gain an advantage in the discussion. In today’s article, we propose five ways to achieve this goal.

1. When an argument breaks out, don’t attack – listen and respect the other person

When an argument does occur, one thing you need to know is that you will get nothing by attacking. If you want to win and get an edge, use good arguments and be charismatic. Act like a person who is very confident in what he is saying. Thanks to this, you will influence the interlocutor, directing him to solve the situation.

• You need to understand that behaviors such as attacking, humiliating, shouting, or blaming are of no use when an argument breaks out. Worse, they can make things worse and bring the conversation to a point of no return. It’s really not worth the risk.

• While an argument is usually based on our differences, upsets or harms, and misunderstandings, it’s very important not to take things personally. Rather, it is about trying to think rationally.
• To achieve this goal, try to think coolly, calm your heart, and speak in a confident voice.

Never forget that you are dealing with another human being. Respect him. If you let negative emotions take over you, you will stop listening. If, on the other hand, you do not listen, you will lose the ability to use logical and meaningful arguments.

2. Instead of “why” use “how”

Perhaps this idea will seem trivial to you. It turns out, however, that when an argument breaks out, there are words that can effectively baffle the other person. It forces her to become aware of something or to reflect more deeply on something.

Let us take an example. Suppose an argument broke out between us and our partner. We address him with the words:

• “Why don’t you consider me when you make a decision? Why did you do this without mentioning it to me? ”.

Usually, when we ask these types of questions, the partner hits the ball using classic and predictable answers.

However, think about what could happen when you do this as follows:

• “How do you feel when you make decisions without taking me into account.”

3. Don’t think about who is right. Seek common ground

However, the following goals should be pursued:

• Let the other person become aware of our point of view.
• We do not want to make the situation worse.
• If we can find common ground and come to an agreement, we will come out stronger and wiser.

4. Try to control your tone of voice, be assertive and avoid intrusions

Phrases like: “You never understand me”, “You don’t know what I mean” and even just starting sentences with the word “no” can build a wall between us and our interlocutor.

This is because these types of phrases add a negative tone to the conversation, which is especially bad when an argument breaks out.

• Try to be assertive. Be firm, but be empathetic towards the other person.
• Instead of starting phrases with “no” , say sentences like “I know what you want to say to me and I understand you.”
• Try to keep the tone of your voice relaxed. Don’t let yourself get upset. Be friendly and don’t create unnecessary distance.
• While of course you shouldn’t ignore your emotions and neglect your emotional side when an argument breaks out, it’s good to use logical thinking.

• It very often happens that at some point in an argument, a person will use an unreasonable argument. Be careful and listen. You will easily detect this moment and make your interlocutor aware of his mistake.

5. Use arguments and ideas that evoke empathy in the interlocutor

One of the most common problems that arise on our way when an argument breaks out is the lack of skillful argumentation.

• Ideas, emotions and thoughts are churning in our head, but we are not able to quickly and efficiently arrange them so that we can talk with confidence, peace and logic.
• We should learn to organize our thoughts in order to express them clearly, logically and precisely.

A very useful tip is also to include in the conversation phrases that kind of force the interlocutor to feel empathy towards us.

Here are some examples:

• “You understand me, you know what I mean”
• “You are a wise person and you are certainly able to put yourself in my situation”

In summary, when an argument is on the horizon, we need to take time, apply emotional intelligence, and apply the right techniques. If we approach it with calm, respect and good, thoughtful arguments, we will most likely be able to reach an agreement that will satisfy both parties.

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